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【媒库文选】力所能及的十件小事改善婚姻}

作者: 情感读本 发布时间: 2020年12月28日 18:58:48

10 Little Things You Can Do Today to Improve Your Marriage

力所能及的十件小事改善婚姻

Carolin Lehmann

卡罗琳·莱曼

There's always room for improvement in a marriage. Marriage takes work ― that's a fact. It's about putting in the effort every single day to build a meaningful and lasting relationship. But it doesn't necessarily have to be hard work!

婚姻总有改善的空间。婚姻需要经营——这是个事实。它需要每天努力去打造一种富有意义和持久的关系。而且这未必需要费太大的劲儿。

1. Focus on the positive. It may be easy to look at your partner and find things that they do or say that are irritating, annoying or even hurtful to you. You may even think that it is part of your responsibility as a spouse to point out or correct those issues. However, criticism is rarely received well and usually does more harm than good. As a spouse, one of your primary duties is to be supportive and encouraging of your partner. So, stop criticizing them and focus on the positive things that they do.

1.看重积极的一面。我们会很容易发现伴侣的有些言行让人生气、恼怒甚至难过。你可能还会觉得自己作为配偶有责任指出或纠正这些问题。然而,指责收效甚微,而且通常弊大于利。配偶的一个主要职责是支持和鼓励伴侣。因此,要停止批评,多看看对方好的一面。

2. Apologize if you've done something wrong. If you’ve done something wrong, big or small, bite the bullet and give a clear, honest apology. No, “I'm sorry you’re upset” isn't an apology. Nor is “I'm sorry you heard it that way.” Not only is that not an apology, but you're also calling them an idiot for not deciphering your words or intentions correctly. When you take responsibility for telling a lie, conducting a misdeed or even just contributing to a misunderstanding, you're saying that the health of the relationship takes priority over your competitive need to be right.

2.做错了事要道歉。假如你做错了事,不管大小,都要勇敢地作出明确真诚的道歉。像“对不起,让你伤心了”这样的话并不是道歉。“你这样理解我很遗憾”也不是。这不仅不是道歉,而且是在说对方笨得没听懂你的话或者意图。如果你为撒谎、做错事或者哪怕只是造成误解而道歉,那表明你把维持良好的婚姻关系看得比争论对错更重要。

3. Try your hardest not to blame your partner. When couples fight, they tend to criticize and blame each other, which causes the same reaction in return. Make a personal commitment to using no blame in your communication. Instead, think about your feelings and needs and speak in terms of “I.”

3.尽可能不要指责伴侣。夫妻吵架时通常都会指责批评对方,结果招致同样的回应。告诫自己在沟通时不要指责。想想自己的感觉和需求,说话时用“我”来措词。

4. Look up from your phones ― and at each other. We rarely take the time to stop and look at our partners, so it's easy to miss their nonverbal cues. When we pause and gaze at one another, this creates a pathway for connection, and it can be calming and deepen our relational experience.

4.别总看手机——多看看对方。我们很少花时间看看自己的伴侣,因此很容易会错过他们的非语言暗示。当我们停下来凝视对方时,这会建立一种情感纽带,能带来安慰,加深彼此的关系体验。

5. Appreciate each other's differences. I'm currently working with a young couple who came to me at the brink of divorce. The wife feels like her husband is often distant when they argue and wants to get to a solution immediately. He, on the other hand, often needs time to be by himself to sort things through before talking about it. I have coached them on how to find ways to really understand and appreciate their differences in handling emotional conflict, rather than judging and shaming one another for these differences. They now practice naming what they are feeling.

5.正确看待彼此的差异。我正在辅导一对濒临离婚的年轻夫妇。妻子觉得丈夫在与自己讨论问题时心不在焉,想立即找到解决方案。而丈夫在谈论问题之前总想自己静一静理清思路。我教他们找到办法去真正弄清并正确看待彼此在处理情感冲突时的差异,而不要因为这些差异去评判和羞辱对方。他们现在正在尝试说出自己的感受。

6. Check in. One thing that can greatly damage a marriage is a lack of communication. When you make checking in a part of your daily habits, you are letting your partner know that they are important to you.

6.保持沟通。对婚姻具有巨大破坏作用的一个因素是缺乏沟通。当你把沟通作为日常生活的一个习惯时,你就是在告诉伴侣,他/她对你很重要。

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